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In the dimly lit room, I sat huddled under my lamp as my fingers repeated the rhythmic movements of the needle disappearing and reappearing under the banarsi fabric while I carefully folded its edges, taming the wayward golden threads to patch it over a hole burnt in the citrine mysore silk lehnga (a wide-hemmed skirt). Accentuated with hundreds of golden sequins and zardozi work on its hem, shining whenever it caught the light of the lamp, the eight and a half yards of fabric seemed like a jeweled sea at my feet. Trying to be as quiet as possible, I imagined the joy I'd see in my sister's eyes who had gone to bed a while ago crying her eyes out over a dream dress gone to 'irreparable' disaster the night before Eid.
在昏暗的房間里，我蜷縮坐在燈下，手指一邊重復著將針在 banarsi織物上有節奏地來回，一邊小心地折疊它的邊緣并將那根任性的金線修補在黃水晶色 mysore絲綢制的lehnga寬邊裙上一個被燒毀的洞上。八碼半寬的面料上鑲嵌著的上百條金色亮片和下擺上的 zardozi 裝飾在燈光照耀下，就如同寶石海般在我腳下熠熠生輝。我一邊盡可能保持著安靜，一邊想象著我妹妹看到這條裙子時的喜悅之情。就在剛剛，她還因為這條夢寐以求的連衣裙在開齋節前一天晚上遭受了“無法挽回的”災難而哭得死去活來。
Tying off the final loose thread, I held it up to the light, proud how her lehnga sparkled even more than before and quietly delivered to her room. Salvaging the day for my sister was a risk worth taking.
系好最后一根松散的線，我把這條lehnga裙舉到燈光下，眼前的它比以前更光彩奪目。我悄悄地把它送到妹妹的房間。能在盛大的日子前救妹妹于水火，一切都是值得的。
The next morning as my sister fawned over the new design, came the reaction I was bracing for.
第二天早上，當妹妹拿到我的新設計時，她的反應正如我的期待。
"Is this what you were doing all night?”
“你整晚都在做這個？”
I could hear the disdain in my father's voice, disappointed over his son's 'feminine inclinations'. Something that has always gotten me in trouble with him, from ditching my toy cars to play with Barbie dolls to being too interested in my mother's makeup.
我從父親的聲音中聽到了不屑，和他對兒子“女性傾向”感到的失望。那種我玩芭比娃娃而不是玩具車時他表現出的失望，那種我對我媽媽的化妝品表現出興趣時他的失望。
"He's going to become a darzi (tailor) when he grows up!" my friends would snicker at my craftiness with the needle and thread.
“他長大后要成為一名darzi（裁縫）！”我的朋友看到我的針線時總會嘲笑我。
The pressure of fitting the stereotypical gender roles followed me everywhere - my teachers' snickers at declaring pink my favorite color, my friends' expressions when I talked about facials and manicures, and my mother's horror on spending more time organizing my wardrobe by color than playing in the street.
無論在哪兒，我都能感受到性別固化施加給我的壓力——我的老師在宣告我最喜歡的顏色是粉色時的竊笑，當我談論面部護理和美甲時我朋友的表情，和我母親在花大量時間按顏色整理我的衣櫥時表現出的恐懼。
The world that put clear lines between pinks and blues; barbies and hot wheels; being well kempt to manly ruggedness, had me confused. The overwhelming external stimulus was telling me that to fit in and to be accepted I had to hide my true self and mirror what is expected of me.
這個將粉色和藍色之間的界限分得如此清晰、將芭比娃娃和玩具車視為對立、這個完全遵循男性就必須剛毅的世界讓我困惑不已。一邊倒的外部刺激告訴我，為了去適應并被接受，我必須隱藏真實的自我并表現出我所被期望的樣子。
I tried to fit in, suppressing the fragments of interests resurfacing ever so often, to avoid eruption of ridicule. I brushed my passions away like pieces of leftover fabric.
我努力融入，時刻壓抑自我，以免被嘲諷。我一塊塊擦除我的激情，就如同它們只是邊角余料。
Just like that night when restoring my sister's dream brought my thread and needle out; my dreams broke to the surface again standing in front of the school notice board. My gaze fixed on the poster announcing the male modeling competition; I was already choosing between khaki chinos with crisp white Italian slim fit dress shirt paired with a sleek navy blazer or a black skinny necktie.
就如同那個晚上，我為了修補妹妹的夢而勇敢地拿起針線一般，當我站在學校告示牌前注視那張男模大賽海報時，我的夢想再次浮出水面。我糾結于究竟該在比賽時穿卡其色斜紋工裝褲搭配清爽白色意大利修身正裝襯衫和時尚海軍藍西裝外套，還是黑色緊身領帶。
As I filled in the form, I could imagine the field day of sly sarcastic jokes on my effeminate ways. But filling in that form was my catharsis - signing my name was my defiance to carry on a charade to hide my true self.
當我填寫男模大賽申請表格時，我已經可以想象比賽當天我會因為我的陰柔而遭受的諷刺和譏笑。而填寫那張申請表就是我宣泄的開始——簽上我的大名，我決心不再偽裝。
Winning the competition took out some of the sting from the jokes but it wasn't until a sense of liberation set in as the scissors of society's disapproval lost its sharp point. And while my father's disapproval still makes me falter in my tracks but I'd rather have him realize that I can be his son and still be my true self instead of trying to become someone neither of us would recognize in the end. The slightest glimmer in the corner of his eyes as I brought in my awards tells me that my hope is not displaced.
盡管贏得比賽消除了一些譏笑帶給我的刺痛感，但隨著我漸漸感受到周遭的歧視不那么鋒利時，我才逐漸獲得一種解放感。我知道，雖然父親的反對仍將讓我的人生步履蹣跚，但我真的希望在做回真的自己的同時又能成為他的兒子，而不是那個他和我都不認識的人。而從我帶回獎品時，他眼角的一絲微光里，我看到了希望。
So, one after the other I collected stowed away pieces of myself that didn't fit the society's approval and using the thread of resilience I sewed them together for the fabric of my being to become a true reflection of everything I am and aspire to be.
一點一點地，我拾起那些被社會鄙夷的自我。然后用韌性做線繩，我將自我重新縫合?，F在和未來，我將始終如此。
- 解析 -
縫補一件衣服，對一般人來說是件相當普通的事。但對于一個信仰宗教的家庭中的少年，這一舉動就顯得有些復雜。我們能預見到性別與階級刻板印象形成的否定和對立，這樣的個人犧牲通過種種細節直擊讀者心靈，例如筆者最喜歡的顏色是粉色，老師知道以后竊竊發笑；筆者表達自己對面部護理和美甲的興趣時，身邊朋友臉上匪夷所思的表情等。
盡管如此，筆者對自己愛好的強烈情感還是滿溢出紙張。無論是對服裝材質的準確定位還是縫制過程的愜意描寫，他的文字體現了創造，表達了愛、展現了工藝手法、展示了文化傳統，同時也傳達了善意和關愛同胞的觀念。
差異無時不有，無處不在，但是否能找到一個有新意的方式來化解差異呢？筆者找到了，通過良好掌握記敘和議論的度，他自豪地展示自己接納自我的勇氣，而沒有選擇妖魔化其他不坦誠的人。單單討論個人的犧牲還不足以撐起文章的廣度，筆者還將視野擴大至社會上的陳腐觀念，例如男孩喜歡藍色，女孩喜歡粉色；男孩喜歡玩具車，女孩喜歡芭比以及男孩子就是不愛干凈，粗線條和不講究等等。筆者的經驗能切實影響到當今學子需要領悟的東西，那就是嘗試跨越爭論不休的鴻溝，努力建起一個和諧的社區。
