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Statement of Purpose范文解析

發布時間:2021-11-17 13:28:11 閱讀:773 作者:博遠教育 字數:2944 字 預計閱讀時間:7分鐘
導讀:如何寫出一篇能突出你特質又具有說服力的StatementofPurpose?本文即為大家找出一篇StatementofPurpose范文,以案例為大家解析寫作SOP時具體需要把握的要點。

如何寫出一篇能突出你特質又具有說服力的Statement of  Purpose?本文即為大家找出一篇Statement of  Purpose范文,以案例為大家解析寫作SOP時具體需要把握的要點。

目的陳述范文

Sample Statement Of Purpose -  Business Mangement Ph.D.Example Essay

目的陳述范文——商業管理博士申請示例

Paragraph 1-2

I am applying for admission to the Ph.D. program in Business Administration because I want a career in the research and teaching of management. In particular, I am interested in factors that affect the competitive performance of a business concern, and the manner in which changes in technology affect an organisation's structure, long-term business strategy, product development, manufacturing, supply chains, distribution network, information needs and standard systems. In order to gain an appreciation of these and related issues, it is essential for me to have a strong grounding in Economics, Supply Chain Management, and issues connected with Information Technology, as well as gain a General Management perspective.

第一段點評:如果能用幾句話來表達你的野心,這就是你想要的開頭了。畢竟很多文章都是以陳詞濫調或從自己童年的回憶開始。

然而下一行的落點就有點奇怪了。有幾句話是關于“影響……的因素”,然后是關于“技術變化的影響”的長篇大論,其實基本上所有的描述都是關于“an organisation”。即使你不是商科專業人士也會覺得這里有點混亂,因為同一句里混合了互不相關的想法,這導致陳述變得相當不平衡。

I believe that the Ph.D. program in Business Administration (with concentration in Management) would be invaluable in helping me achieve these objectives. It would enable me to channel my quantitative and conceptual skills in analysing business issues and would open up new avenues in research. Subsequent to earning a Ph.D., I would like to apply for a faculty position at a leading university; and investigate issues concerned with technology as it affects organisation strategy, structure and systems.

第二段點評:請注意這一段對作者在文章第一行中闡述的職業目標的銜接十分緊密。但如果不想聽起來自命不凡,關于“..讓我(enable).. 引導(channel).. 定量(quantitative)......”的陳述稍后還需提供一些強有力的材料支持。

Paragraph 3-4

I believe that my background in engineering and management has prepared me for such a career. I have found research fascinating since my engineering days, where I received the highest marks in the Department for my final-year undergraduate dissertation; and was judged to have presented the best paper at a Departmental seminar. My four years of engineering education have provided me with a strong grounding in mathematics (I stood first in my Department for each of the four Math papers) and the theoretical aspects of technology.

第三段點評:說明所獲的榮譽和成就是了解一個人學術生涯細節的一種謹慎的方式,一般這些細節應該出現在簡歷上。但太多的申請者喜歡僅僅羅列成就而不解釋它們如何影響自己的學術或職業生涯。所以如果你不在這方面花心思,那可能會徒勞無功。

I joined ABC Business School in order to broaden my perspective and to improve my career prospects. Economics and psychology-subjects new to me-were interesting, and I enjoyed applying quantitative and conceptual skills to analyze business problems. I did very well in projects, desk research, workshops and class discussion, although academically I did not perform to my satisfaction (I finished with a GPA of 2.91, partly due to health reasons). I was voted as one of the ten most promising students in my batch, and received a national-level award for the best business school project, awarded by the Institute of Management Consultants of India. This was for a summer project, entitled "Formulation and Implementation of a Marketing Strategy for HandiCrafts, a unit of the Special Person’s Association".

第四段點評:作者上面所說的這個屢獲殊榮的項目充滿了未實現的承諾。而且學校想尋找對社會做出貢獻的申請者,補充志愿(公益)組織如何需要現代(企業)管理技術(或者相反——企業需要向NGO組織學習)的說明可能會增加一些價值。

另外對于GPA較低的解釋是不太恰當的,此類問題可以在申請材料中作為附加說明,在這里,它反而會讓文章原本積極的基調變得消極。

Paragraph 5-6

Upon graduating from business school I was offered a job with AZ & Co., a management consulting firm which ranks as among India’s largest. This is where I learned how to apply the principles and lessons of management to real life. It was fascinating; and transformed my interest in management research into a passion. I read extensively, trying to keep myself informed about management thinking in my areas of work - structure and systems in an industry and organisation, industrial marketing and strategy.

第五段點評:如果申請者想在語法上冒險,最好有相應的指導。像,“……迷人(fascinating);和…’并不能很好的融合。同時,注意這里的表述是如何變得個人化的——“興趣轉化為熱情”,雖然聽起來有點老套,但確實有效。

I have learnt a lot on my present job. With the rest of my team, I have analysed markets and examined supply and distribution networks for such diverse products and industries as bulk chemicals, fresh fruit exports, toys, packaging machinery, retailing, adhesives, diamonds and pharmaceuticals. I have helped formulate entry strategies, plans for expansion and diversification; and also company business plans. As part of a team, I have carried out preliminary feasibility studies; compared technology options; suggested to the Forex Bank of India, a plan for improving the export competitiveness of India's Chemicals Sector; and studied government schemes for their efficacy. I have studied in detail the organisation structure and systems for one of India's largest manufacturers of automobiles and helped in the restructuring of the company as well as the redesigning of their new systems.

第六段點評:我們通常建議求職者把大部分確鑿的事實和細節放在簡歷中,不過放在這里也無傷大雅,但是要適當濃縮,作者所從事產品和行業的多樣性可以用更少的語言來表達。此外,當作者提到重新設計新系統時犯了一個小錯誤,這種錯誤不致命,但需要在編輯的時候xiu修正。

Paragraph 7-8

These assignments have involved interaction with people at all levels of the value chain, and at organisational levels from the Chairman of a $ 200 million firm to a packing clerk earning $1 daily. They have given me the opportunity to interview a number of policy makers, industry analysts and economists in an effort to understand the functioning of, and important issues connected with, each of these industries.

第七段點評:這部分證明了第3段的細節,而且做得很好。

All this has given me valuable insights into the environment in which companies operate - how they affect this environment and are affected by it. It has enabled me to observe some of the better and worse ways of running a business. Certain assignments have been thought provoking; my most recent assignment, on the redesigning of a company's structure and systems, helped me understand the necessity of good organisation structures, and appreciate the significance of systems that work well. A study on the export competitiveness of India's chemicals sector brought home to me the importance of technology in determining a company's or industry's competitiveness. An assignment involving the evaluation of an air freight subsidy scheme for exporters of fresh fruits raised fundamental questions in my mind about the efficacy of subsidies in improving the competitiveness of an industrial sector, and encouraged me to look at more lasting measures instead.

第八段點評:在任何領域你都應該展示你獨特的經歷,更重要的是,你從中學到了什么。作者這里處理得很巧妙,列舉了她是如何與公司的不同階層互動以及這如何塑造了她對生活的看法。

津貼(subsidies)的有效性部分說明了作者準備思考的問題,也很好地與當前國際上對津貼的看法相吻合。另一方面,如果你申請的是古巴卡爾·馬克思大學(Karl Marx University of Cuba),可能需要修改表達這些觀點的方式(即應結合申請學校的社會制度或相應政策來談)。

Paragraph 9-10

The time limitation on each assignment has taught me to plan well, work systematically and keep my reports up-to-date. At the same time, having to defend my analyses and recommendations, during both internal discussions and presentations to clients, has taught me to think rigorously and creatively. Our extensive use of computers for analysis and preparation of presentations and reports has made me familiar with spreadsheet, word processing and presentation packages.

第九段點評:這段話很好地從商業角度闡述了作者的經歷。但還要建議她留意那些在行業中被認為是必須的技能。在過去的幾年里,熟練使用電子表格(Excel)等基本工具已經過時了。記住,雖然這樣的失誤并不一定會毀掉一篇文章,但在這個階段,你也不想讓文章的質量有所下降,此類表達就是那種應該在編輯的時候就刪掉的句子。

While the highly diverse nature of assignments has helped me gain a broad exposure to Indian industry, it has not been possible for me to study specific business and technology - related issues in depth. I realise that in order to be able to do so, I need a better understanding of the various facets of management; the interlinkages between different functional areas and between different business entities. Equally important, I need further training in research methodology.

第十段點評:這個部分是表達你想從所申請的大學獲得什么的理想方式。

Paragraph 11-12

I want to do a Ph.D. at the College of Business, XYZ University for many reasons. I have heard about XYZ's Ph.D. program in Business Administration from my business school professors and am impressed with the emphasis placed on technical and analytical skills, general management orientation and rigorous research methodology. The School's strengths in supply chain management and information management are commensurate with my research interests. The faculty's reputation for excellent teaching, challenging coursework and the excellent facilities are added attractions.

第十一段點評:雖然這篇文章的大部分內容都經過了嚴格的編輯,但這里的內容有些松散。注意最后一句中“excellent”的重復。另外,“相稱的(commensurate)”在這里用得不太準確。

While the study of and research in management is my prime objective today, my interests in literature, music, travel and nature help me maintain a sense of perspective in life. I like to write and have had some articles published in Indian newspapers. I have organized and participated in a number of extra-curricular activities during my college days and have won university and national level prizes in debating, writing and quizzes. I also believe that each of us must give something back to society - to this end, I have worked on a voluntary basis for the Hunger Project for a year; as a teacher and counselor to physically and mentally handicapped children for three years; and as a reader to blind students. Today, I contribute to a local organisation that focuses on the environment of my hometown, Allahabad.

十二段點評:關于課外活動本可以更早更自然地寫進去,但在文章將要收尾處加上那些陳詞濫調(我們每個人……對社會而言),效用就被削弱了,如果放在文章前面就會更有鋒芒。

Paragraph 13

I hope that the admissions committee finds my background and strengths commensurate with the requirements of XYZ's Ph.D. program in Business Administration.

第十三段點評:如果作者刪除前一段,那么這一段的影響力會更大。此外,我們認為,將你的才能和對大學的適合度與他們對學生的需求聯系起來,將是一個更好的策略,畢竟學校希望未來的班級具有多樣性和不同的體驗。所以,在這里簡短地提到他們是如何需要你的不會有什么壞處。

Summary 總結

這篇文章無疑為作者提供了有力的論據。我們認為這篇文章為其他申請人樹立了很好的榜樣。

所有的“I”和“me”都讓它帶有個人色彩。' for me ', ' I believe ', ' enable me ', ' I would like ':這些都是所有寫個人陳述的人應該大量使用的術語,尤其是當你在喋喋不休地說一堆“行話”的時候。讀者很容易就會認為這些話是從行業雜志上抄襲來的,所以讓每件事看起來都與個人有關是關鍵。然而,這僅僅是方法之一。

你必須有一些可靠的經驗來支持這一點。如果看起來這輩子除了看電視你什么都不做,那么說“根據我的經驗,員工賦權有助于企業發揮核心競爭力”是無法說服任何人的。

這篇文章也說明了你需要如何全方位地展現自己,尤其是當你申請管理項目的時候,與學校所信奉的主流思潮保持聯系是有好處的。雖然我們中的許多人可能都有相關的社會經歷,但在申請在意這些經歷的學校時,需要機智地、有技巧地突出這些經歷。

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