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Thesis Statement寫作六大常見錯誤

發布時間:2021-06-05 15:58:18 閱讀:1326 作者:致遠教育 字數:2193 字 預計閱讀時間:7分鐘
導讀:在英文學術寫作中ThesisStatement的重要性我們已經強調多次了,無論是在課堂上還是實際應用中。在美國大學課堂給一篇習作評分,ThesisStatement寫得好不好,往往能占據40%~50%的分數。

在英文學術寫作中thesis statement的重要性我們已經強調多次了,無論是在課堂上還是實際應用中。在美國大學課堂給一篇習作評分,thesis statement寫得好不好,往往能占據40%~50%的分數。

Thesis Statement寫作六大常見錯誤

它是一篇文章的靈魂,需要全面地概括全文的主要內容;同時它又只是短短的一句話,不能羅嗦。所以一個好的thesis不是一蹴而就的,而是要經過多次的修改。今天我們就從一些同學們的日常習作中,來看看中國留學生們常犯的thesis statement錯誤。

錯誤1. Too narrow,不夠全面完整

原稿:

① I always thought that climate change was not the issue that an individual like me can deal with. ② It should be the jobs of governments and enterprises. ③ I thought that the issue won’t affect us in short term, but after the course, I learnt that the issue isn’t the same as I thought before. ④ Climate change has already changed our life in many different ways. ⑤ Luckily, the issue could be solved easily if everyone is willing to take action.

修改:

Climate change is not just a remote issue for governments and enterprises but an urgent matter that requires everyone's response and effort to avoid further dire impacts upon many aspects of individuals' lives.  

Thesis必須是一句話。這里作者把自己的觀點用5個句子表達清楚了,但是實際讀者閱讀時,只會尋找其中的某一句話作為全文的thesis。所以不論哪句話作為thesis,都會犯了不夠完整的錯誤。修改之后,就把這5句話的內容精煉地用一句話表達清楚了。另外原文還犯了第一人稱的錯誤,學術寫作是普遍使用第三人稱的。

錯誤2.在講述事實,而不是自己的觀點題

原稿:

There are many conflicts between those classes every year and this could be considered an example of the term “othering”.

修改:

The caste system in India has always been not only ① one of the major causes of social discrimination and class conflicts but also ② a long-lasting hindrance upon the nation's economic development, a reality that proves that ③ it is a fitting example of "othering" in both historical and current society.  

初稿的thesis不僅略顯單薄,而且讀起來更像是講述一個事實,而不是自己的觀點。修改之后,其基本含義沒有根本變化,還是講述印度種姓制度的危害,但是讀起來不僅更為全面地涵蓋了下面正文要談的三個問題,而且給讀者的感覺是:這是作者的觀點而不是一個事實。同學們要牢記,fact事實是永遠不能作為thesis statement的。

thesis statement

錯誤3.沒有thesis statement,或者thesis statement放在結尾,而文章開頭直接進入了舉例論證

原稿:

The article “Observation on What Is Language” is written by Richard Nordquist on May 25, 2019. It defines the term “language” which refers to “the grammar and other rules and norms that allow humans to make utterances and sounds in a way that others can understand”(Language). ...

修改:

“Observation On What Is Language,” written by Richard Nordquist on May 25, 2019, strengthens the conviction that human language, with its complexity and beauty, is more than a communication tool but a key to define us and distinguish us from others. 

The article defines the term “language” as the combination of “the grammar and other rules and norms that allow humans to make utterances and sounds in a way that others can understand”(Language). ...

同學們有時候受到中文語言教育以及中國文化思想的影響,覺得不應該一上來就明確表達自己的態度,特別是在寫書評或者與人辯論的時候,好像這樣會太生硬沒禮貌,要含蓄點表達,以表示對對方的尊重。所以在寫文章的時候,有時一開始并沒有表達自己的thesis,而是把thesis放在了全文的結尾。

這點要注意改過來,英文學術寫作一定要在第一段就明明白白地表達自己的立場和觀點,這不是粗魯,更不是人身攻擊,而是實事求是,就事論事。

這位同學的初稿就犯了這樣的錯誤,第一段立即進入了舉例論證,在最后一段才委婉地表達了自己的態度,讓讀者一直猜測到結尾。修改后,雖然第一段introduction還是顯得單薄,但至少明確告訴讀者下面全文是圍繞什么觀點展開的,然后在下一段再開始舉例論證。

錯誤4.Too broad,范圍太廣了,不夠具體

原稿:Throughout the movie Brave Heart, the life journey of the protagonist, William Wallace, and his Scottish followers during the Scotland and England War demonstrateindividual freedom, nationalism and religious faith in many ways.

修改:The award-winning movie Brave Heart not only narrates the life journey of the historic Scotland hero, William Wallace, but also demonstrates how he and his Scottish followers transform from individuals pursuing personal freedom to the defenders of national independence, united together against religious and political oppression under the same banner of nationalism.

這是一篇對于奧斯卡獲獎影片“勇敢的心”的movie review。雖然原稿thesis把下面全文講述的幾點的category羅列了出來,但是給觀眾的感覺是涉及范圍太廣,“野心”太大了。不說別的,單是宗教信仰在那段時期的影響,就足以寫一本書了。

這樣的thesis明顯不適合一篇較短的影評,影片本身也并不是一本中世紀社會百科全書。修改之后,內容還是那幾個方面,individual freedom, nationalism... 但是明顯聚焦在主人公及其追隨者身上了,范圍具體了很多。而且,修改后讀起來也更感覺是作者的觀點了,而不是象初稿那樣在陳述事實。

thesis statement寫作

錯誤5.Too vague, 沒有把自己的觀點鮮明清晰地表達出來

原稿:Although himself advocating for the application of reasons in the movement, in his book, Montesquieu constantly ridicules individuals’ ability to fully apply rationality and reasoning in their judgments.

修改:Although himself advocating for the application of reason, in his book, Montesquieu constantly questions and ridicules individuals’ capacities for making independent reasoning and judgment while they are under a multitude of influences ranging from religious oppression and cultural vanity to personal background and human emotions.

這篇文章是評論“啟蒙運動”領軍人物之一的法國思想家孟德斯鳩的某一文學作品,原稿thesis雖然指出了該作品的主題與孟德斯鳩的主要思想之間的矛盾之處,但卻沒有說明為什么,也就是沒有說明白全文的核心thesis -- 我的解釋答案是什么,為什么在這部作品里孟德斯鳩會自己“打臉”。

這樣的thesis讀起來是很模糊的,讀者不知道作者的觀點到底是什么。修改之后添加了紅色字體部分,這樣就十分清晰地指出了為什么,這四點原因就是作者的觀點,下面全文也是圍繞這四點展開論述的。而讀者無論是否同意,至少就知道了作者的立場。

錯誤6.太具體啰嗦,不夠精煉簡潔

原稿:①America's economic prospect for China and ②its political ideal resulted in its insistence on building a coalition Chinese government centered on the Kuomintang during 1944 and 1945, despite acknowledging the gradual corruption of and the consequent public discontent on the Kuomintang. This unchanging attitude, together with ③American former ambassador Hurley’s overconfidence on the Nationalist-Communist relationship, led to the enlarging breach between the Communist Party with both the Kuomintang and American allies.

修改:America’s ①deep-rooted distrust of Communism and ②economic prospect for China resulted in America’s favoritism with Chinese Nationalist party despite the latter’s corruption and unpopularity. Coupled with the ③overly-optimistic situation assessment, these policies inevitably led to a rushed, doomed peace treaty and America’s ultimate failure in China.

這是一篇歷史課的期末命題論文,論述在國共內戰/解放戰爭期間,美國的中國政策為什么會最終失敗。

文章全文較長,涉及內容觀點也很多,所以原稿thesis雖然很全面地涵蓋了全文的三個主題,以及一些具體內容,但是太長了。同學們注意,thesis statement不僅結構上是一兩句話,而且字數也是有講究的,不能過長,一般控制在50 words以下,而這里的原稿thesis就幾乎達到一段話的長度了。修改之后,三個核心內容主題沒有變化,都涵括了,但句子表達就精煉了不少。

這還只是第一次修改,其實該thesis還可以修改的更精煉一些,當然這就更加考驗同學們的寫作造句功底了。

這里列舉了一些同學們實際寫作中常犯的thesis錯誤,其他的就不一一講述了。這也是我們第二次在公眾號里討論thesis statement的話題,原因很簡單:它實在是太重要了。而在實際寫作中同學們往往并沒有意識到這一點,導致經常犯各種錯誤,白白丟分。希望通過我們的“啰嗦”,同學們都能在將來的寫作中對thesis statement這一句話多花些心思。

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